she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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