To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
