she was so not down for the gang bang
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
