I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
