This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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