It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
