i would punch a child for taco bell
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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