Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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