Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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