Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
