She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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