I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
