maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
