the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
