I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
