you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
