i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
