Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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