Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
