It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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