Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
