He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
