You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
