we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
