I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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