I love watching others lives come down to our level.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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