Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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