I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
