let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
