used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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