I got chris browned last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
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You. Win. At. Life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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