Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
