i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
