he shaved USA in his pubs
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize