fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
