sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
