Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
