Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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