i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
