dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
