Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
