woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
