Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
