I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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