just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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