So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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