you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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