my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
