When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
