If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
