the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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