I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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