your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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