i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
