Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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