Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
