mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
