If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize
