Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
