remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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