i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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