using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
