did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
