Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
