So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize