I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
