and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
