We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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