I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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