Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
