Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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