Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
