i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
