soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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