p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
