He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
