are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
