i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
