This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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