I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
