there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
